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You’ll never hear Nicole raise her voice to her kids… at least not when they’re out shopping at Publix! Does she yell at home sometimes? Sure, but not out in public. If we can’t keep our composure across different settings, why do we expect our kids to be as good at home as they are at school?
Their teacher says, “She’s so helpful.” We pick them up from playdates to hear, “Your kids are SO polite!” They MUST use up all their character strengths of kindness and helpfulness during the school day because once they get in the car or cross the threshold of our home, they flip into Crazy Mode. All that good behavior and politeness is LONG GONE. Was it an act? Did they use it all up? Where did it go? Nicole is careful not to criticize the kid but chooses instead to label the behavior. She admits that she is quick to blame herself: “Before I became a parent, I just never realized how much MY behavior and My actions affected my kids.” She knows that each of her kids want and need AND DESERVE her full attention. But there is only one of her at any given moment. She can’t give them all the love and attention they need. She and Robert both know that a mom’s and dad’s behavior is a determining factor in how their kids behave. But it is NOT the CAUSE. Kids are still their own agents, makers of their own decisions, drivers of their own actions. So she thinks like a teacher. She restates the rules at home, she creates more structure, and she sets up incentives like the ones her kids get at school. But nothing really changes. When none of that works, Nicole repeats her favorite mantra: “This, too, shall pass.” In this episode of the ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, listen in to hear how you can get some outside perspective that can help you influence your kids’ behavior. Take a step back and don’t let it make you crazy. That way you can begin see what your kids’ behavior looks like through their eyes. If you can meet them where they are, you have a much better chance of guiding change.
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Moms aren’t the only ones teaching our kids to be sassy. Dads can lay on the sarcasm pretty thick. Well, maybe not all dads, but quite a few.
Robert suggests that sarcasm is just "negativity and joking come out sideways." So does that make it wrong to use in front of our children? Nicole's husband is very sarcastic, inspiring her to write an article about "the sarcastic parent" where she raised the question “Is appropriate for parents to use sarcasm in the home?” Our conclusion: While we absolutely do not believe sarcasm should be eliminated from the home environment, you must make sure that you dole it out in an age-appropriate way for your offspring. You are also required to show up when your kids have questions to explain and expand on your quips (yes, even if it “ruins the joke”). Nicole and Robert agree that the ability to banter and engage all kinds of people in dialogue is an essential life skill for the young people we all are raising. What better way for kids to practice their social bantering skills than in the home with their parents? In this episode of the ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert and Nicole go even further to discuss how storytelling is a super-effective way to help children learn. BUT -- think about yourself -- do you want to listen to a boring story or one laced with humor and different tones? Write in to let us know at [email protected]. Are you responsible for the house, the errands, the kids, the finances, the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning? If you hear one more person brag about their daily morning yoga and meditation and lemon water, do you want to mail them 500 lemons out of spite?
“I have no time” IS Nicole's anthem. When she makes her plea for time, it bugs the crap out of her husband. He thinks she wastes time worrying. If she would just calm her anxiety the f**k down (of course, he says it much nicer) and block her time better, he thinks that she would easily find time for #allthethings. Let’s be honest here. Every day, as easily as pouring a glass of wine, we fill 20 minutes with Pinterest, Netflix, gossip, or social media. With a little effort, we could also find 20 minutes for exercise, mindfulness, reading a book, swimming, or taking a walk -- whatever we desire. If you are the over-busy parent who finally feels like she has built a system for getting s**t done that works, you might protest, “now you want me to throw a wrench and break the whole damn thing?!” It’s super difficult for any of us to switch our familiar routine for a new one, even if we know it will help us do the right things. Why? BECAUSE WE HAVE NO TIME!! In this episode of the ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert and Nicole discuss the ways we have control of our time and the ways we don't. Why is it SO HARD to say you’re sorry? Nicole admits that she’s miserly with her apologies towards those she loves, specifically her children and her husband. However, she goes almost overboard with asking forgiveness from friends and acquaintances, even strangers. Sometimes it takes all of her energy to dole out a “sorry" but it flows freely from her tongue like a reflex to TOTAL strangers, even when there is NOTHING to be forgiven!
Strange, right? How often do you apologize and how easily does it come for you? Are you ever #sorrynotsorry? Does it depend on the person whom you are giving your expression of remorse? Robert and Nicole believe it is uber-important for our children, and us parents, to know how to say “sorry” in a way that restores and repairs the relationship. Even though she struggles with apologizing to those who deserve it, Nicole regularly expects her children to say “sorry” be it on their own, or on her command. According to Nicole, “we can’t let our kiddos off the hook for negative behavior, right?” But… is her goal to make her kids feel guilty or to teach them about empathy? Does apologizing mean that one person is right and the other is wrong? When you apologize, is it to rid yourself of guilt or is it freeing to give yourself compassion for a misstep? In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert and Nicole explore when saying “sorry” feels like a negotiation, why apologizing makes us feel weak, and discuss how we can set a bad example for our children when we struggle with apologies. Robert and Nicole are SO SORRY (not sorry) for leaving you wondering what else we discussed in this podcast, but invite you to check out the rest of our conversation at the link below. |
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March 2019
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