Nicole doesn’t watch the news. She says she doesn’t need the negativity: “on the day to day, I make anxiety out of nothing.” Nicole admits that she’s a worrier and is not very "balanced” as she deals with life's inconveniences and personal concerns. She rarely makes time for self-care and she just found something new to fret about: the worry that her constant habit of turning molehills into mountains is rubbing off on her children.
Robert doesn’t seem to get thrown around the same way. Maybe his meditation practice helps him keep stress at a low simmer, preventing anxiety from overtaking his being. When he stood up on stage recently to deliver his first TEDx talk, he admitted that he sure felt anxiety well up. Like Nicole, Robert forgets how easily our kids see right through our facades.
Anxiety can be debilitating. It can become so overwhelming. If we treat our own issues like they are life or death, how do we keep our anxiety from rubbing off on our kids?
In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Nicole and Robert offer up suggestions for naturally lessening anxiety in your day-to-day life including the habit of "looking up" and looking ahead. There is a middle ground between blissfully and aimlessly looking up and tripping over crap and looking down disgruntledly and begrudgingly while missing the magic unfolding in the present moment.
It’s not about beating yourself up over being late (looking down) but about looking up as you pull out to find new inspiration in that other mom who dares to pull in to school late and doesn’t beat herself up about it. Our children see from us from the inside out, so let's make sure we take care of ourselves to show them how it’s done.
Do you feel like you didn’t get anything done today?
Do you score yourself against your to-do list and then mentally beat the crap out of yourself when you don’t get it ALL done?
So many parents are plagued with self-doubt. Where does our self-doubt come from? Do you keep close tabs on yourself? The way you “score” yourself on GTD (getting-things-done) can definitely influence how you feel about yourself.
What if… you’re wrong?
Ugh… this is tough, guys! Can you really be TOP DOG in every area of your life? NOPE, you can’t. AND you sure as heck shouldn't beat yourself up about that. We want to offer you a BIG-A$$ Permission Slip to “phone it in” sometimes to give yourself a break (and allow your kids to SEE YOU give yourself a break, too).
In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert encourages Nicole and the listeners to use HYPOTHESES instead of GOALS (h/t Tara Gentile). That way you can focus on daily work and not results.
Nicole admits that she likes the idea of having a GOAL (and using it to impress others). For her and others like her, not having a goal can make us anxious.
But, guess what?
Anxiety can actually BE MOTIVATING. Choose to push through the anxiety to break out of its debilitating nature and pull from its catalytic nature.
Nicole and Robert also discuss Seth Godin's suggestion to "start before you are ready," which is SO scary (until you try it!) BUT it has worked for Nicole and Robert in starting their blogs and this podcast and so many other projects. It can work for you, too!
Who emptied the dishwasher last?
Who did the laundry today?
Who woke and fed the kids?
Was it all YOU?
From the moment you brought your newborn home, did you hang up an invisible tally card? And have you marked that card every day, practically from the moment you wake up till the moment you go to bed?
If you know how much YOU did yesterday for the house, the children, and the family as a whole, it might be because you KEEP SCORE with your spouse and constantly tally up who is doing the most.
The only reason we can see to keep score is if you want hard evidence. With your tally in hand, you can point to solid data when you LOUDLY make your grievances known. Ugh! That is a road to nowhere.
Listen, we know that happy and healthy marriages and children are not easy to produce and maintain. IT TAKES WORK and it is on you -- your exhausted, over-stressed, anxiety-ridden, under-inebriated and under-romanced self -- to PUT IN THE WORK.
In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ Podcast, Robert and Nicole admit their own score-keeping history. They also discuss how strong marriages stand on a foundation of a genuine friendship and connection. Keeping score and wielding an "I did more than you” attitude, on the other hand, weakens the friendship at the core of your marriage and your family.
Why do we base our success as a parent on our child's academic success, their social adeptness, how popular they are, and how good an athlete they are? Is your child developing their own talents at their own pace in a manner that is comfortable for them or are they merely the way you quantify how well you are doing as a parent? Any score less than A+ parenting should be frowned upon, right?
Is the pressure you put on your kids for their benefit? Do you tell yourself it’s “for their future”?
It’s OK to be fearful about the future. It’s even OK to want to brag about our kids. But sadly, more often than not, we can unintentionally parent from a place of selfishness or fear. Sometimes we even care more about how our child's accomplishments (or lack thereof) make us look to our peers than what these milestones or challenges mean for our child.
Are we reliving our childhood through our children or are we really concerned for their future?
In this episode of the ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Nicole and Robert tackle the topic of parental confidence and share their thoughts on just why we do this. Then they go even further and share suggestions for how to raise confident, not COCKY children.
How far off-plan can your day get before you lose your sh**?
Nicole likes to have a plan. No, scratch that, Nicole NEEDS everything to fall in line and go according to HER PLAN. So when it doesn’t, like the morning when her dog decided to poop in the pool, they day threatens to go about as far off-course as she ever imagined it going. And Nicole edges closer and closer to losing her sh**.
Does stress rain down on you? Or is it just rain? Maybe sh** JUST happens and YOU turn the drops into stress. Can you deviate from YOUR PLAN or does it ruin EVERYTHING? Can you let yourself choose to pivot? You may even decide to just dance in the rain!
Adults are not impervious to error. You never have been and never will be! Why do we pretend? Your kids won’t remember that one day you were late for school or that time you yelled at them when they spilled the milk.
In this episode, Robert writes you a BIG-A$$ Permission Slip to struggle and bumble and be that parent-zombie that you are some days. Just make sure that next time it rains, you take a second to consider dancing instead of freaking out. When you do, look up to take a mental snapshot of that smile stretched across your child’s face.
Is this podcast for you?
Have you ever said,