Perfectionism -- Is it really your fault? Maybe you’re a perfectionist because you just have too many demands to handle. You don’t do enough to take care of yourself. Who could? You just don’t have the time to achieve “balance.”
Nicole admits that she could do more to balance out her perfectionism, like taking up mindfulness or learning to meditate. She looks to people like Robert as an example of someone who uses self-care including meditation to balance his perfectionistic tendencies. For Nicole to be as close to the "perfect" wife, mom, daughter, friend, business owner, etc. as she needs, she admits that she mostly operates in "fake it ‘til you make it" mode.
In this episode of 'I Am the Worst Parent Ever' podcast, Robert and Nicole talk about feeling like imposters themselves. Your lizard brain can get in your way as a parent, a spouse, an employee, etc. and faking it, is merely a way to push through your fear, take risks, and tell your lizard brain, "not today, buddy." The pressure can get insane.
You may be asking, what about "winging it" or "flying by the seat of your pants"? Is that the same as "faking it?" Not exactly…
Nicole has gone out on a limb with her article, “I Want You to Fake It.” When you pretend to have more energy than you do or to be kinder than you feel, faking it can actually make you more energetic or kind in the moment. Citing Alexander Spradlin’s Psychology Today article “Fake It ‘Til You Make It,” Nicole suggests that successful people hold a “strong belief in themselves that allows them to persist in the face of failure and to keep trying, no matter their level of fear.” These successful individuals “have an internal drive that tells them that they can succeed, that they have the ability to handle whatever comes their way.”
There's a difference between faking it and living a lie, and working towards self-improvement and betterment. Can you say with confidence "I believe I am capable of raising a human being"? How can you choose to become that parent?
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Have you ever said,